I never thought that I, who spent so much time and energy complaining about home, would end up missing it so much. I honestly believe that these feelings of homesickness stem less from missing the country that I was born in, and more from just feeling burnt out from the country that I'm in. Learning a language is hard. Working full time is tiring. Having heartburn from every spicy meal is a pain in the butt. I finally understand what the guides meant when they said culture shock comes in phases. I thought I was immune because I did endless research and prepared myself by immersing myself in Korean cuisine. However, I'm in the culture shock phase that people warned me about, where you're constantly frustrated, tired, and worn down by everything around you.

I'm frustrated when I can understand what people are saying to me, but have no clue how to form a response. I'm tired of people not fully understanding me the first time...or the 8th. I'm worn down every night from spending an entire day failing at communicating in another language. And FOR GOD'S SAKE, can I please get something with savory ingredients, that is actually savory?!

To make matters worse. Every morning, I wake up to hear about yet ANOTHER act of racism in America. I can't go home, and these days I feel like I can't stay here. Anti-Black sentiments exist in almost every country. Where can I go? Where can I just exist?

I know I'll be fine. This really is just a part of living abroad. Maybe next week I'll be heart-eye emoji for everything Korea again. But, today I have to admit, I'm not okay.

Here are some pictures to assure you that I'm not gonna jump off the ledge: